You want to help your family; you want to be the strong one, the one that helps fix the problems and mediate conflicts. Putting aside the fact that you are probably emotionally drained, physically exhausted and struggling with a weird mix of resentment and guilt… have you considered that in you playing the role of ‘rescuer’ is perpetuating the same stressful cycle?
The Drama Triangle
It’s useful to view this cycle through Dr. Stephen Karpman’s Drama Triangle which is a model that explaisn dysfunctional relationship patterns. It describes three roles people often play in conflict or emotionally charged situations:
1. The Rescuer: “Let me fix this for you.”
2. The Victim: “This is all happening to me.”
3. The Persecutor: “This is your fault.”

We can switch between these roles, but most people have a default position they’re drawn to. While these roles often develop as survival mechanisms, they can trap us in unhelpful patterns that lead to guilt, resentment, and overwhelm.
Examples of the Drama Triangle
In families, especially those where caregiving or emotional crises are frequent, the Drama Triangle can become deeply ingrained. Here are some common examples:
The Rescuer: Often takes responsibility for fixing others’ problems. For instance, you might feel compelled to step in when a sibling is struggling or manage family disputes to maintain peace. Rescuers often neglect their own needs and may feel drained or resentful over time.
The Victim: This role might be played by a family member who frequently expresses helplessness or expects others to solve their problems. For example, a sibling with mental health challenges may unconsciously adopt the victim role, expecting the Rescuer to step in.
The Persecutor: This role often involves blame or criticism. In families, it might look like a parent or sibling pointing fingers or creating conflict, leaving others to mediate or placate.
Are you the rescuer?
Here are some signs to look out for:
You feel responsible for others’ happiness or well-being.
You say “yes” when you want to say “no” because you fear guilt or conflict.
You’re often the one solving problems or soothing tension, even when it’s not your responsibility.
You struggle to express your needs because you’re focused on meeting everyone else’s.
While these tendencies may come from a place of care, they often lead to emotional exhaustion and reinforce unbalanced family roles.
How the Rescuer perpetuates the cycle
At first glance, stepping into the Rescuer role might seem helpful or even necessary. However, playing the Rescuer can inadvertently perpetuate the dysfunctional dynamics of the Drama Triangle. Here’s how:
Enabling the ‘Victim’: When you constantly step in to fix problems or soothe conflicts, you may unintentionally reinforce the Victim’s sense of helplessness. They learn to rely on you rather than developing their own problem-solving skills or resilience.
Fuelling resentment: As a Rescuer, you might suppress your own needs and stretch yourself too thin to help others. Over time, this can lead to feelings of resentment toward those you’re helping, as well as guilt for feeling that way.
Triggering the Persecutor: If you feel overwhelmed or unappreciated in your Rescuer role, it’s easy to slip into frustration or blame—essentially taking on the Persecutor role yourself. This can escalate conflicts and create tension in relationships.
Preventing growth for everyone: By always stepping in, you may deprive others of the opportunity to learn, grow, and take responsibility for their own actions. Similarly, you may prevent yourself from setting boundaries or pursuing your own needs and goals.
Recognising these patterns is key to breaking the cycle. The Rescuer role may feel like an act of care, but it often keeps everyone involved stuck in the same unhealthy dynamics.
Break free from the Drama Triangle
Once we recognise the pattern and what your role you are playing, we can consider what healthier roles we can step into.

David Emerald’s Empowerment Triangle offers an alternate model, so instead of the Drama Triangle Roles, it encourages:
Move from Victim to Creator: Focus on what you can control and take responsibility for your own happiness.
Move from Rescuer to Coach: Offer support and encouragement without taking over others’ responsibilities.
Move from Persecutor to Challenger: Set clear boundaries and communicate assertively without blame or criticism.
For the rescuer, this will mean:
Setting healthy boundaries: Learning to say “no” and prioritizing your own well-being are essential. Remember, setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish; it’s a way to protect your energy and maintain healthy relationships.
Recognising your triggers: Notice when you’re stepping into the Rescuer role. Ask yourself:
Am I trying to fix something that isn’t my responsibility?
What would happen if I stepped back and allowed others to handle this?
Practice self-compassion: Breaking out of these patterns takes time. Be kind to yourself as you unlearn old habits and establish new ones. Celebrate small wins, like saying “no” without guilt or allowing others to solve their own problems.
Counselling can help – Imagine if you had the space to:
Understand how to manage the chronic anxiety and overwhelm; break free from cycles of over-thinking, catastrophizing and constant worry.
Take a closer look at how you can protect your energy and time by saying ‘no’ without guilt. Consider what could be helpful to prioritise yourself whilst navigating relationships with confidence.
Re-frame your self-perception - Shift the focus from what you do for others to your inherent worth and strengths. Redefining success and value in a way that nurtures, rather than drains, you.
Release the thoughts and emotions you’ve kept inside for years—the frustration, guilt, and sadness. Together with a counsellor, process these feelings and lighten the load you’ve been carrying.
Explore your identity - Who are you when you’re not taking care of everyone else? Reconnect with your desires, interests, and values.
Reflect on what is holding you back such as your people-pleasing and/or perfectionistic behaviours and find a sense of freedom.
Understanding the Drama Triangle is a powerful first step in breaking free from unhelpful family patterns. By recognizing your role and choosing healthier ways to engage, you can create relationships that feel more balanced and fulfilling. Remember, you don’t have to navigate this journey alone—support is always available.
If this resonates with you and you’re ready to explore these dynamics further, I’d love to help. Let’s work together to create a new, healthier balance in your life.
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